Broken wings
by butterfly2202
Summary: Casey holds a dark secret …. The terrible truth about what happened in her past. But when a case opens old wounds will she be able to hold on. And can the one person she trusts and loves be able to mend her broken wings, but then again you can only help those who are willing to admit they need it. C
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:::Hello everyone, okay so this story is a bit different but I feel that I have to write it I don't normal use Casey and Olivia parings but it's the only way this works in my head. Please note this story is not for the faint hearted it deals with bullying, self-harm, eating disorders and of course murder and rape but that's svu for yah. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter please read& review, this story means a lot to me. Okay well thanks a million and enjoy.**_

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Standing outside of the interview room watching as Olivia nick question the young girl they have in there with Don next to me, I should feel calm I've done this so many times but this case is almost too much to take and it only just started. I watch the little girl she can't be more then twelve she has short blonde hair and bright green eyes I also note the wristbands she has on each arm, how anyone could do this let alone a child and then I remember. I take a few deep breaths and try to focus on what they are saying.

"_Now molly why did you bring that gun to school" detective Benson looks at the child whose mother is all but balling._

"_You don't have to answer that molly" her attorney Lisa Whitmore explains. _

"_I don't know" molly cries "I don't know" she hugs her mom. _

The two detectives leave the room and don switches off the sound; I soon sense that all six eyes are now glaring at me. All I want to do is run hide in my office hand this case over to someone else.

"So Casey what are we going to do" Liv asks I think she can tell that I'm not all there.

Snapping back to reality I try to answer "I know she's 11 but she brought a gun to school and killed two classmates and injured four others " I shake my head running a hand over my red locks.

"Do we know why she did it" I ask trying to keep the room from fading into silence

"She's not talking, we are heading over to talk to the four victims now" nick spoke.

"Ok well let me know, I'll be in my office" I say trying to get out of there I walk quickly trying not to let the tears fall as I head for the front of the building and outside. I start the walk back farther downtown to my office but I notice I'm shaking. I let a small sigh when I see a coffee shop I step in and order a large coffee.

I reach my office and walk inside glad no one has tried to talk to me I slid in my door toss my jacket on the couch lock the door and fall to the floor as I begin to cry. I don't know how long I stayed like that but I knew I had to because what was flashing in my mind made me sick. I slid back the bracelet on my left wrist and ran my right thumb over the five almost faded scars.

I heard the buzz of my phone and reached for it in the purse next to me I looked at it ' a text from liv great' I tell myself I open it hoping it's not about the case.

"Casey hun are you ok? Let me know if you need to talk or a drink, we talked to one on the girls she told us something but we want all four statements I'll be by your office in an hour or two love yah."

I smile at the text from my best friend she treats me better than anyone I think I might actually love her, but that's crazy and besides if she knew me if she really knew everything about me about my past she wouldn't even be my best friend. I wipe away the last of the tears I don't think I could cry anymore even if I wanted to. I stand and make my way to the couch before texting her back.

"Thanks love and drink would be wonderful. Also ok, I'll see you soon" I sent it and set my bag and coat on the table before lying on the couch I wanted to just lay there until my eyes dried enough so I could see I hadn't planned on falling asleep.

I was awakened by a light knock on my door 'crap' I thought how I fell asleep. I scramble to my feet and unlock the door. I'm guessing by the concerned look on her face I must look horrible.

"Come in Liv" I say turning towards my desk I take the chair behind it and sit before motioning for Olivia to do the same. She sits in front of me and hands me a cup of coffee I wonder what's going through her mind.

"Here Casey I think you could use this" she says sliding the coffee closer to me.

"Thanks … so what did you find out?"

" well the kids we talked to all called her a freak they said she didn't really have any friends and that she got picked on a lot, but none of them would say about what all they said were the two who died were the ring leaders."

"Well I guess we know what defense they will be using" I say

"How are you going to prove that she's not crazy" she asks me.

What I wanted to say was that I know she's not crazy, depressed and scared yes but not crazy. But what I say sounds crazy in itself.

"I don't think I should"

"You want to plead her out" she practically yells "she killed two kids and harmed four others"

"Please lower your voice, I just think we need to hear her side of things"

"Well she isn't talking and I don't think offering her a deal to get it would be any good"

"I didn't say that did I " I don't know why I'm fighting with her this never ends well, I take a large sip of coffee and look into her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that glow when she's angry I just wish she wasn't mad at me. After a few moments of complete silence Liv speaks again

"I just don't get it, boys bring guns to school , don't girls normal take the violence out on themselves"

"Wow sexist much" I snap shooting her a death glare.

"I'm just saying "

"yes and I'm just saying that sometimes there is no more room to take out the pain on yourself and you have to find another person to harm"

"So you're saying you understand how she could kill another person over herself"

"Well what are you saying that killing yourself is a better option than trying to take down your tormentors" I can tell that my breathing is heavy I try to relax but it's not helping I can feel this attack building.

"Casey" Olivia says calming her voice guess she can tell she hit a nerve "I'm sorry" she mouths as I begin to relax I nod at her she looks at me with those eyes and I see concern.

"I'm ok, but maybe you should go" I say trying not to make any real sudden moves.

"Ok but text if you need anything" she says as she heads for the door she opens it and turns back "I really am sorry if I upset you"

I nod to her as the door closes and she walks down the hall, I lean back in my chair and let a few tears fall from my still burning eyes. I should tell her she loves me she can help me, but I can't cause her the pain of knowing any of this I don't want to know any of this. I close my eyes and then begin blinking a few times trying to get the thought out of my head but I can't. That tensing in my body and almost as if I was someone else I do something I haven't done in almost three years. My desk drawer slides open and my hand reaches to the back corner I pull the small black box out and remover its contents.

A single metal blade

It feels cold in my hands I slid the blade lightly across the tips of my fingers trying to fight I don't want to do this, but I know I won't relax until I do.

I can feel my tears burning my cheeks as I slide my skirt down just enough to see the skin on my hip bone and I know I can't fight anymore.

Two quick and deep swipes and I'm free.

I can breathe again

I put it back in its box and back in my desk and wipe the tears from my face. I feel awful about how I treated liv she is my best friend after all. I reach for my phone and text her.

"Hey girl, I'm sorry too tell you what let me make it up to you tomorrow my apartment, you me a six pack of beer and some girl talk."

I was shocked by the quick reply but smiled at her words.

"Hey no stress, It's a date, be there at eight tomorrow"

Date I ask myself then laugh surely after that fight today no way did she like me as anything more than a friend and if she ever finds out about my past no way she ever would. I set my phone down on my desk and start on this what I'm sure is an endless amount of paperwork.

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**_Hope you liked it , leave me feedback._**


	2. Chapter 2

I am finally back in my apartment and I set my things down on the counter I know I haven't eaten at all today but somehow I just can't bring myself to eat I decided on a shower and bed. I water feels good on my skin like its washing away all the bad of the day but then a jet of water hits the red lines on my thighs and I cry out in pain, I forgot how bad that hurt and yet at the same time it's amazing.

I know I shouldn't have cut , I know it's wrong and I also know it's something damaged teenage girls do not respected lawyers , but then again I'm damaged too. I step out from the shower and walk into my bed room when I hear the ring of my cell phone I go to answer it still wrapped in a towel its Olivia calling at almost midnight this can't be good.

"Novak"

"Hey case, did I wake you"

"No I'm still up, what's wrong" I say sounding concerned.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok"

"Yeah I'm fine , why wouldn't I be"

"In your office today,… she pauses not sure what she wants to say " I just wanted to hear your voice" she managed to sigh out.

"Well ok" I say with a bit of a giggle I wish she could see me smiling.

"it's nice to hear you laugh , I know this case is hard" if only she knew how hard.

" Casey I'm your best friend and your mine and I want you to know that whatever you are going though I am here, get some sleep ok , we still on for tomorrow."

I'm silent I don't know which question to answer first.

"Thank you, ok and wouldn't miss it for the world , goodnight Liv." I say barely above a whisper it's hard to talk when your heart won't quite down.

"goodnight case" and I hear the phone hang up , how did I get so lucky to have her in my life and with that thought I feel the guilt rise again , I don't deserve her , I don't deserve love or happiness I feel the tears pour down my cheeks and I feel the tension building again I lay back on my bed trying to sleep but the images in my mind keep replaying and I know the only way to sleep is to do the one thing I don't want to do.

I head to the bath room and take the spare razor blade from its drawer. I drop the towel and for the second time today slash it across my thigh threes time this time a bit deeper than the last I feel the blood run I take a deep breath before wiping it away . I feel sick for doing this but at least I can sleep now.

The next day at work is filled with more paperwork and I am thankful to be able to focus that is until I get a call telling me I should get over to svu quickly. I walk into the station and take the elevator up to their floor I see Amanda and fin at their desks and wave hello before Cragen calls me over to the interview room.

"You should hear this counselor" I look into the window and see a young girl her arm in a sling and Olivia trying to get her story.

"Is she one of the Masterson victims" he nods and I try to listen

"Now Katie, I know it's hard but tell me it again"

The tiny brunette had tears in her eyes as she spoke

"I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted to fit in and if I hadn't said all those things to molly they would have said them to me"

"Katie just tell me what kind of things you said"

She nods "we would tell her that she was stupid and ugly and that no one would ever want her and that she should just kill herself because she didn't deserve to be on this planet" she's crying so hard now it's difficult to understand her but she keeps going. " also that she was a slut who would sleep with anything and that she had all these gross diseases and that she got her outfits from the dumpsters" she buried her head in her arms on the table.

"It's ok you're not in trouble sweetie"

"I know but I should be" the little girl said "we never thought she would do this I know what I did was wrong but I don't think I should have been shot"

At that point her mother bursts into the room and hugs her with nick following behind live exists and walks to us and I guess i must have been crying because she looks at me with concern in her eyes

"Casey " this draws don's attention to me great now they can both see I'm upset I quickly wipe away the two tears that had fallen and look to them.

"Um yeah ok, so molly was a victim but she had other options she could have told a teacher or come to us anything but murder" I say as we exit back into the squad room when I feel a small tug on my jacket.

"Excuse me miss" it's the girl Katie

"Yes" I say

"She did tell, at least two teachers and all the admin, but they didn't care you see the two she killed they were star athletes people loved them , they all told Molly she was making it up"

I knelt down to the child and looked her in the eyes

"Are you sure"

"Yes miss"

"You are very brave Katie"

"No if I was I would have helped molly"

"Well you're helping her now"

She smiles and heads out the door with her mom if the administration knew and did nothing then they are just as accountable as molly, I turn to the group all five now looking towards me.

"I want all the records, anything with her name in it or on it from the school"

"You got it" Amanda speaks as her and fin begin to gather there things.

I begin to feel dizzy I feel like I'm going to faint to wait that's not it I'm going to be sick I race off for the bathroom but only make it to the sink after that first wave I think I'm ok but then I feel it again this time I move to a stall and kneel down I'm not even sure what I'm throwing up seeing as the only thing I have had in two days is some coffee. I hear the door open and I fall to the floor I can barely keep my eyes open I blackout for a moment then I feel a cold paper towel on my forehead and open my eyes to be met with those beautiful brown orbs.

"Liv" I say softly

"Casey its ok, do I need to call a bus" she asks

"no no I'm fine " I protest I don't need to go to the hospital if I do I know what they will say and I can't deal with that right now.

"Ok well let's get you some water then"

"Thanks" I say holding her as she helps me up god she is so beautiful she walks me back to her desk and sits me in her chair as she pours me a cup of water she walks back and hands it to me when the captain comes back over.

"There you two are, Fin just called the school won't give us the files"

"That's ok I'll get a warrant but tell them to stay there if they try to destroy anything arrest them for obstruction" I say getting to my feet knowing I needed to get to the courthouse to get a warrant.

"I'll drive" Olivia says I shoot her a look but I know I'm not really in a condition to protest so I nod and we head out the door.

Within thirty minutes we have the warrant and are at the school office severing it the staff seems pissed off but they do as they are told. It's nearly five o'clock when we all get back to the station with the files we all look at each other and decided its best to just go home this will all be here in the morning. Liv says shell lock up the files I need to head back to my office and get my things but we agree to meet at my place at eight we agree to order pizza also seeing as neither of us had eaten.

I get back to my apparent and take a quick shower and change into a nice pair of jeans and a green cami, that I slid an old sweatshirt over I leave my hair falling down at my shoulders and the only makeup I put on is my pick lipstick. Its 7:40 when I order the pizza one large with double peperoni just the way we like it and at 7:58 there is a knock at my door.

I open it and there's Olivia with a bottle of vodka in her hand and she is wearing her black slacks still and a dark blue tee with a brow jacket over he hair is pulled back into a pony tail she still looks amazing. I step aside to let her in.

"That's not beer "I say taking the bottle and setting it on the counter.

"Well this is better and I know it's your favorite"

"Or you know it gets me drunk"

"oh Casey if I wanted you drunk that would be wine "she says as she playfully flips my hair

"take a seat" I point to the couch " pizza should be here soon" just as I say that there is another knock at the door I tip the pizza kid and bring the box too the coffee table and sit on the couch next to Liv.

We eat and talk about all the silly things that go on at work and how neither of us have much of a life then liv looks at the box her half is gone and I have only eaten one slice and picked the meat off the other.

"Casey aren't you hungry you didn't eat much"

"I'm ok really"

She slides next to me on the couch and pulls my hands in hers and looks in my eyes as she says

"How much have you eaten in the last few days"

"I don't know" I say

"Is this why you got sick today" I try to pull away but she grabs my hands tighter

"Casey please tell me"

"Look I just forget to eat sometimes, when I'm stressed I just don't get much of an appetite"

She looks at me and nods knowing she doesn't want to fight but to make her happy I force another slice down. After I put the leftovers in the fridge I make us drinks and sit back down holding her cup out for her.

"Thanks "

"Anytime" I say taking a large sip wow that buzz is great you catch it so much faster when you haven't eaten much.

"So is there anything you want to talk about" Olivia asks me

"no" I say in that tone I'm sure she knows I'm lying I just don't know I'm ready for her to hate me yet if I tell her my life I don't want to lose her. She sets her cup down then takes my almost empty one from my hand and places down too before pulling me into a tight hug. I allow her to do this and I wrap my arms around her waist but then I feel her run her fingers through my hair and I sigh softly man I want her.

"Casey I want to tell you something ok"

"Ok" I whisper, she pulls back from the hug and looks me in the eyes

"You're beautiful, amazing, talented and brilliant"

I blush a bit "tha.." I try to say but she presses a finger to lips

"Please don't ever let anyone tell you that your worthless, or unloved because I know for a fact that someone somewhere loves you" she tucked my hair behind my ear and I smile we sit in silence for a moment before I speak.

"I know" I say fighting back tears I reach for my cup and drink the last bit of liquid in it I feel as if I could tell her everything about my life my cutting my battle with food but all I can do is stare into those eyes and mouth I'm sorry

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"that I'm weak and that I'm broken and that I can't even tell you why, and most importantly for being in love with you" oh god what have I just said at this point I reach my hand across the table and grab he drink and down the whole thing I feel the buzz kick in now and I just stare at her wondering why she's not running.

"You love me"

"More then you will ever know"

She pulls her hand to my face and leans close to me her lips almost touching mine I for a second I let myself belive its real that is until her phone rings.

"Crap" she says as she reaches for it

"Benson"

"Ok I'll be right there "

"No don't worry I'll tell her" she looks toward me as she hangs up

"We have to go, Molly Masterson is in the hospital her mother tried to kill her"

We both grab our bags and shoes and head for the door and I shake my head a bit knowing any moment of happiness I could have had was gone, no way was she going to kiss me she just wanted to hurt me. We got out of the car and mercy and headed toward the door Olivia moves to let me enter the doors to the E.R first but then grabbed my hand and pulled me into her and kissed me with such passion and love I knew I couldn't be dreaming.

"In case you were wondering, I love you too" she said as we made our way inside.

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_**review please, I do hope you are enjoying this story.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N::Ok so this has been on my laptop for about a week or so, I don't have internet at my house right now and its a little to hot to walk the half mile to the coffee shop anyway I'm not sure what I think about this chapter I might edit it at some point but for now enjoy. Thanks to anyone following this and for the reviews this story is so important to me anyway keep up the feedback. **_

_**always **_

_**Butterfly.**_

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We walk up to the desk and flash both our badges Liv asks for molly's room number and I follow her and the nurse. My head still spinning from that kiss outside she loves me Olivia Benson loves me and all to quickly that turns to fear and anxiety once again knowing that if she knew if she really knew what lived in my mind how sick I truly am she would never say that. We get to molly's door and the nurse leaves us at the window with the officer standing guard. I look inside I can see the girl lying on the bed and it looks like nick and a doctor standing over her.

The two exit the room and look to us

"Hey Liv hey case" nick says

"Hello" we respond in unison.

"What exactly happened" I hear liv ask nick

"Not sure she won't talk just keeps crying"

"I'm doctor Blake" the older woman smiles and reaches to shake mine and Olivia's hand.

"Sorry bad at intros"

I giggle at nicks fake apology

"Nice to meet you I'm detective Benson and this is A.D.A Novak" I was thankful she spoke for me.

"it appears that the child was choked upon her arrival she did disclose that it was her mother who caused the bruises on her neck, I also noted marks on her wrists and thighs, I can't be sure but it seems as if those were self-inflicted" she takes a breath

I sigh and stare into the room at that girl who is so much like me and I don't notice that my hand is rubbing the top part of my thigh the fabric cutting across my slightly healed wounds. I try to focus on what's being said.

"If you don't mind me asking detective but what exactly is going on here this is a bit much for a child abuse case" doctor Blake questions.

"She is a suspect for that shooting at the middle school a while ago" the doctor simply nodded.

"Can we talk to her" Liv asks

"Of course I just hope you have better luck then nick here" she says as she walks off

We both sate at nick and he shakes his head and has a look that says you really don't want to know so we don't ask. Liv opens the door and steps inside I follow her.

"Hi Molly"

"Olivia" the girl says her voice so shallow so broken her eyes turn to me

"This is my friend Casey" she smiles at me as we both move closer to the bed.

"I know it's hard but can you tell us what happened"

"My mom is nuts she tried to kill me"

"She choked you" I ask realizing it's the first time I've spoken she nods and a frown crosses her lips.

"It's ok" Liv says reaching for the girls arm and molly quickly pulls it back I know it's not the contact she pulling from but the thought of anyone seeing her scars. I move to the other side of the bed and place a hand on her shoulder. I see brown eyes questioning me and I just shake my head.

"Just tell us how it happened, walk us though it ok" I tell the blonde.

"I was in my room sitting on my bed and my mom came in, she grabbed my wrist and started yelling at me then her hand was around my neck and I blacked out" she took a deep breath.

"What was she yelling" liv asked

"About me and what I had done …. The um the shooting and she said she couldn't look at me anymore" I heard the pause in her voice and saw the tears well up in those tiny green eyes.

"Thank you "liv said as she turned toward the door I pulled my hand back form molly and she looked up at me. It was if we had a connection and truth was we did, I may not have killed someone but I sure knew what it was like to be eleven and want to.

I followed Olivia out into the hall and she went down the hall to a small room inside was nick a uniformed officer and the Masterson's sitting at a table.

"How could Lilly, you tried to kill our child"

"The stupid thing wanted to die, I caught her cutting again and I lost it I just wanted the pain to stop"

"Hers or yours" he snapped at his wife.

"Ours" she said though tear filled eyes.

It made sense now the way molly told the story she was ashamed of how her mom found her, of causing the people she loved pain and then knowing that if they could hurt her they never really loved her.

"Well I'm sorry Mrs. Masterson but you are under arrest and we have to take you now" nick said as he moved to cuff and read Mrs. Masterson her rights.

Liv sat across from Molly's dad and she explained to him what was going to happen I heard him say

"my family's gone" as I slipped out of the room I walked back down the hall to the window and looked in on molly I knew what I was about to do was wrong but I had to I opened the door and went inside sitting next to the blondes bed. She looks over at me and I try to smile she mirrors my expression before she speaks.

"Did they take my mom?"

I nod I don't really know what to say I look at her bandages

"I'm sorry this happened to you" I say

"Really most people just congratulate me" she laughs it takes me a bit but then I realize she's quoting a movie so I continue to play along.

"Well I don't see the point in that" I smile

"Your name is Casey right"

"Yes" at this point I'm thankful she doesn't know I'm the person trying her case, but then again right now she the victim of her mother's abuse so I let most the guilt leave my mind.

"You're a lawyer right"

"That's right"

"Then can I ask you something "I'm worried what she might ask but being in here alone is bad enough so I guess answering her question couldn't hurt.

"Of course" I tell her

"If I did something so awful that it made my mother hurt me would she still go to jail" she looks at be her light green eyes filling with tears. I sigh

"there is nothing and I mean nothing that gives anyone the right to try and harm you, so no matter what you said or did she was wrong and she has to deal with that" I try to sound comforting but I'm not sure if I did.

"I didn't tell you two the truth before about why my mom hurt me" I know her mother's side but I want to hear the truth from molly and I'm sure she needs to tell it.

"Would you like to now"

"Yup" I smile and place a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure the doctors told you about theses'" she points to her bandages I nod again "I was cutting when my mom came in, she told me if I want to die so badly she would help me" I see a few tears fall but she trying to fight them "the rest happened like I said before" the tiny blonde forces a smile and I do the same.

"Thank you for telling me the truth"

"I wasn't trying to kill myself"

"I know sweetie, I know "our green eyes lock and I can see the wheels in her head Turing as I fight back my own tears.

"You don't have scars" she asks taking my hand in hers

"I just hide mine better" I say patting my jeans over the cuts from earlier

"I want to stop I really do but things just always seem out of control and I just I can't help it"

"I know it's hard, but you are going to have to try" I say sternly making it clear I in no way condone such acts even if I know exactly how she feels just because I'm losing my battle doesn't mean she should lose hers.

"I just wish more people understood, I mean how am I going to explain to the person I love about these about my life"

I shake my head "I haven't gotten that far either" letting a tear of my own fall

"Are you worried they won't love you?"

"Yes, yes I am "we both sit in silence for a while then I hear the door creak open and turn to see Olivia standing there she smiles at me.

"ready to go Casey , molly the doctors say your dad can take you home in the morning, we may need to ask you some more about the shooting soon though"

The blonde nods and then looks up at me, now standing she reaches for my hand. I lean into her and she whispers "she will love you no matter what" my eyes get wide as I look at the child had liv said or done something I hadn't noticed or was this girl psychic I smile and she releases my hand. I head toward the door with Liv.

"Bye Olivia bye Casey" molly calls to us. We both step into the hall the door closes behind us.

"I want to go through those files Liv" she looks at me and seems concerned

"What were you to talking about because if she told you anything" I cut her off before she can continue.

"Just about her mother and life and stuff "I smile "I know the rules Liv" I say with a hint of anger in my tone.

"Okay it's just if anything happened to you" she stops herself and I take her hand

"Let's get out of here we need to be up early"

We head out the doors and back to my apartment .

We arrive back at my apartment and liv stands in the doorway we look at the clock its three am. I want to be alone but I really don't want her to leave I just don't know if I'm ready for anything. I mean its way too late to do anything but still I'm worried. I push that out of my mind and reach for her hand.

"Would you like to stay" I ask her

"If you want me too"

"Of course I do" I smile and let her in as I close and lock the door.

"I think I have some sweats and a t shirt that will fit you" I walk into the bed room and dig though the dresser. I walk back to the living room and hand them to her and point to the guest bath and bed room.

She looks at me confused but goes down the hall I watch her as she enters the small bedroom she turns to me "goodnight Casey"

"night liv" I say I feel my heart break I know I should have let her share my bed but right now I just need to be alone. I head back into my room and change into a pair of pajama pants and a cami. Then I head into my bathroom and lock the door. As I slide down my pants and press the blade  
to my skin I feel like such a hypocrite, which only makes me push harder after  
watching the blood drip I wipe it away and head to bed I lay down and cry I'm trying  
to be quite hoping not to wake Liv as I slowly drift off to a restless sleep.  
Tomorrow is going to be a long day a very long day but if I'm right there may  
be a way to help Molly after all.

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_**Review please :)**_


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